Just Once
by rmhale
Summary: He thought he could handle it. Then he saw them touch…  My contribution to the Tsunami fundraiser


**A/N: My Fandom for Tsunami piece posted in a moment of weakness. Thank you to my wonderful beta OnTheTurningAway who helped me turn this around and repair it when I sent her a nightmare to work with. Thank you all who made a donation to this fundraiser and in part are helping heal the devastation.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing, dammit.**

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><p><strong><em>Just Once<em>**

Jasper was bent over the coffee table doing his homework when he felt a familiar weight land ungracefully on the couch next to him. Trying to suppress a small smile he glanced at his roommate out of the corner of his eye.

"Yes, Edward?"

Jasper could tell he wanted to ask something by the way Edward's leg was bouncing up and down in anticipation. He was like a child. He lacked the patience to wait until Jasper was finished with what he was doing but instead of verbally interrupting, he plopped down on the couch and fidgeted.

"You know that party that Mike is throwing tonight?"

"I know the party," Jasper said wryly, never taking his eyes off the book in front of him.

"You wouldn't want to invite your friend Riley? Would you?"

_Well hell, it's been less than twelve hours since my heart has ached over this man, it was about time._

Jasper's best friend Riley met Edward a few weeks ago when he came to visit Jasper for the first time since he started college. Riley had gone off to a campus across the country, so they had only seen one another on holidays and during the summers for the past three years.

Riley was a year older than Jasper so he was finished and back home while Jasper completed his senior year. The first time he visited Jasper it was just like Jasper feared. When Riley and Edward met, the sparks started to fly between the two of them.

Jasper knew it was inevitable, they were so alike. Gorgeous, vibrant, full of energy and vitality, they both loved to fuck and be fucked. Jasper had been the unfortunate witness to a few of Edward's drunken conquests when he had come back to the room. Thank god it was always dark when he walked in and could walk right back out for a bit. If he actually had to see someone else's hands on Edward he knew he would be physically ill.

Edward, for the past three plus years that Jasper had been his roommate, had been the typical college slut, fucking everything that walked with decent enough looks. It didn't matter, he slept his way through cheerleaders, jocks, frat boys, sorority girls and even a few members of the faculty. Every time Edward talked about it or Jasper had to witness him honing in on the lucky boy or girl who would get impaled on Edward's cock that night, he felt his insides twisting with pain.

There were no words to describe the sheer agony of watching the man you fell for instantly screw his way through an entire university. The ache was always present, never leaving, always resting under the surface. Sometimes it was dormant and dull, lying in wake for the next time Edward turned on the charm to anyone who wasn't Jasper. Other times it burned so badly Jasper could hardly stand.

The heartbreak he felt knowing that he wasn't even attractive enough for Edward to flirt with made his eyes burn as he swallowed back the pain. Edward definitely had a type. He went for the good-looking, life of the party type people. Never once did Jasper ever see him leave a party or game with a shy, quiet, studious person...in other words, no one like him.

Jasper was the person who nursed one beer during a five hour party, the one who sat on the couch having conversations with whoever decided to catch their breath there before moving on. He was the one who made sure no matter how drunk Edward got, he always made it home unless he left with someone else. Jasper waited nearly every time, sometimes Edward walked out with him and sometimes Jasper had to drag him along.

Those times were some of the hardest on Jasper, when Edward's face would get close to his and not only would he smell the alcohol on his breath, but a lot of the time, the scent of another body. He could always tell whether it had been a male or female and it was nauseating. Edward apparently had a penchant for oral sex.

Riley was exactly the kind of person Edward was attracted to. Jasper had lived his life in Riley's shadow and now he was living in Edward's. He didn't know if he could handle them together, Riley was too close to home. Jasper knew if he told Riley to stay away from Edward, he would, but he could never do something like that.

It was his secret. No one would ever laugh at him for it or feel sorry for him when they looked at Edward and then back at him. Jasper kept his feelings for Edward locked up inside of himself.

"Yeah, I'll call Riley, I'm sure he'll come," Jasper said, trying to keep the hurt from his voice.

"Thanks, man," Edward said, clapping Jasper on the back before getting up. "I owe you."

"Just go and let me finish or I won't be able to go," Jasper told him, wanting Edward to get the hell away so he could let the pain come without him there to witness it.

As soon as he heard Edward close the bathroom door and turn on the shower Jasper dropped his pencil and gasped. He put his elbows on the table and covered his eyes with his hands.

"Why can't I get you out of my head?" Jasper whispered into his hands. "Or better yet, out of my heart."

Not that he had much of a heart left, Edward had unknowingly broken it piece by piece with each person he had touched that wasn't him. But Jasper had done it to himself, he never once let on that he felt anything other than friendship for Edward. There was no way in hell he would ever take that chance.

Jasper fired off a quick text message to Riley and the response from him was almost immediate.

_Definitely _his text read and Jasper felt the floor drop out from underneath him. Somehow he knew that Edward would end up with Riley that night and for some reason, he felt like this time Edward actually had the power to break him for good.

Edward walked out of the bathroom with a towel around his slender hips. Jasper indulged in one of his favorite pastimes, watching Edward. His back was to Jasper, but he could see everything in the mirror. The smooth planes of Edward's back, pale broad shoulders tapered down to twin dimples exposed over the towel. Jasper's fingers trembled with the desire to trace the line of Edward's waist.

Jasper watched beads of water fall from his unruly auburn hair and trail down his back. He could only imagine the sweet, warm wetness against his tongue as he licked the drop away. Edward let the towel fall and stood there for a moment, his perfect ass leading down to strong thighs.

Sometimes Jasper wondered if Edward knew he was being watched and stood there as a form of delicious torture. In no time at all, he had pulled on a pair of boxers and jeans before turning around. Jasper pretended to be studying once again, but his mind was no longer on the books in front of him.

"You text him?" Edward asked.

"Yep, he's coming," Jasper said. His was casual voice betraying the turmoil raging inside of him.

"Fucking sweet!"

Jasper spent the rest of the afternoon dreading the party that night, with a feeling of fear and anxiety in the pit of his stomach. Almost tempted to stay home and miss the Edward evening show, he was coaxed with the vibrant eyes he couldn't say no to.

When they arrived, the party was already in full swing: kegs flowing, beer in hands, music pumping. Jasper did what he always did, walked up to the keg, poured a beer and scanned the room for a quiet place to sit, all alone.

"Jasper!"

Happiness filled him for a moment, as it usually did when he heard Riley's voice. It was one of the few constant things in Jasper's life that has always been there no matter what. They were closer than brothers, best friends but never lovers. Seeing Riley always made Jasper's day better, even when the days were dark. Riley held his hand and guided Jasper through the good and the bad times throughout the years.

"Hey, man," he clasped Riley to him tight for a moment and then handed him the beer before helping himself to another.

"Thanks, J, so this is a kickin' spot, huh?" Riley already had more than half the beer gone, typical for him.

"It's definitely the place to be tonight," Jasper said, taking a small sip of the foam on top of his cup.

"So where's your roommate?"

Scanning the room quickly, Jasper spotted Edward and felt the familiar clench in his gut watching him laugh and flirt whomever was lucky enough to be close by.

"Over there, by the poker table. Good luck man," Jasper said with a fake smile plastered to his face.

"I won't need it." Riley winked before sauntering over to Edward.

When Edward spotted him, he immediately left the crowd of co-eds flocked around him and made his way over to Riley.

There was a hug, sly smiles, fingers that lingered too long and Jasper knew coming tonight had been a horrible idea. Something about knowing that they were going to be naked together by the end of the night sent the room spinning. Grasping his beer tightly, he made his way over to the stairs, walked up and sat in a secluded, dark corner.

The good part was no one would be able to see him there and he could recover from the shock of actually seeing with his own eyes his worst nightmare come to fruition. Until that point it had only been an annoying scratch under his skin. The bad part was that Jasper could see everything going on from his vantage point near the balcony.

While the party went on around him and time passed with agonizing slowness, Jasper didn't move. His beer sat at his feet, untouched while he watched his deepest fears come to fruition.

Riley never left Edward's side. They started out with talking, which lead to flirting and soon they were dancing. Their bodies moving together fluidly, grinding, grabbing and just when it couldn't get worse, Edward's heads flew back in laughter. Riley took the perfect opportunity to put his mouth on Edward's glistening, pale neck.

There it was, the one brief second when Jasper's fear manifested into abject horror witnessing the very moment when Edward surrendered to Riley. His eyes closed, his mouth parted and he went slack in Riley's arms as he feasted on Edward's throat.

"Oh, God," Jasper said softly, rocking back and forth with his arms around his legs. "It's so much worse than I thought."

Yet, he couldn't look away. When words were exchanged, knowing glances traded, hands linked to head up the stairs, his eyes stayed on them.

Jasper feared he wouldn't survive what was about to happen, in fact, watching Riley's hand trail down the front of Edward's jeans as they headed straight towards where he was hiding, he knew he wouldn't.

The two oblivious boys climbed the last step and Edward slammed Riley against the wall in the hallway. He buried his mouth against Riley's exposed neck, biting and licking.

"Oh fuck, baby," Riley groaned when Edward bit harder.

He pulled Edward's face away and went in to taste those lips Jasper only wished he could savor.

"No, no kissing," Edward rasped, pushing his hands under Riley's shirt, latching onto one his exposed nipples.

Edward ground his cock into Riley's crotch, making Riley moan louder and all the while, Jasper's heart was shattering, still unable to divert his gaze.

Edward's face moved down Riley's heaving abdomen, making his way to the faint line of hair leading to his cock.

"No, no, Edward," Riley gasped, hauling Edward up by the arms.

Riley pulled Edward's face toward him once again. "Need to taste you."

Edward pushed back a little more forcefully than the last time.

"No fucking kissing," he said, his voice slightly angry.

"Ever?" Riley asked.

"I don't kiss," Edward said as he yanked open Riley's fly. "I fuck."

Riley's whimpers could almost be heard above the music they were so loud and Jasper was fucking pissed they couldn't even get to a room so he didn't have to see them move so naturally together.

When Edward revealed Riley's slender cock and slid his hand down it, it was too much. Jasper couldn't handle anymore and his cry of shock was heard by both boys.

Riley froze, looking towards the noise and as hard as he tried to back into the shadows, Jasper was spotted.

Edward and Riley were both staring into the corner, arms and legs still tangled together.

"Jasper?" Riley said softly. He looked into Jasper's eyes, realizing immediately that something was wrong. When he saw the raw emotion on his best friend's face, he knew.

"Oh, fuck! Jasper!" he called out as Jasper jumped up, bolted past them both, flew down the stairs and out the front door. He took off running toward home, not caring who thought what when he raced through the house.

It seemed like hours before he finally reached it. When he walked up to the door, he was stopped short by the sight of Riley standing there. His eyes were full of fear and something else as he walked slowly toward Jasper.

"How did you get here so quick?" Jasper asked.

"Car. I was worried about you."

Jasper couldn't keep the hurt from his eyes, remembering Edward's hand on Riley's cock.

"No need to be."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"Tell you what?" Jasper looked away, really not wanting to have this discussion.

"That he's the one?" Riley was standing right in front of him, putting his hand on Jasper's shoulder.

"The one?" Jasper said, aloof and emotionless.

"The reason you never date, never talk about a crush, or a romantic interest. You forget J, I am your best friend and know you almost as intimately as a lover would. When I ask, although you deny it, I can see your face and eyes warm up with something. Now I know what that something is."

Jasper stood there, not saying a word for a minute.

"Are you in love with him?"

"No." Jasper was adamant, too much so.

"If I'd known...fuck!" Riley ran his hand through his hair. "I never would have...you know that, right?"

Jasper looked into Riley's dark eyes, still unwilling to admit anything.

"I'm sorry, so sorry J." Riley pulled Jasper into a hug and whispered words over and over into his shoulder until Jasper pulled back.

"It's my fault, I...I just couldn't..." Jasper sighed, clapping Riley once on the back.

"Want me to come in with you?" Riley was torn, not knowing how to help Jasper.

"No, I just need to be alone for awhile."

Riley thought for a moment and knew there was no arguing with Jasper if he wanted time.

"I'm gonna head back, but call me tomorrow, okay, J?"

Jasper nodded once, still not meeting Riley's eyes.

"You sure you want to stay? I can take you home with me, we can figure out what to do tomorrow over breakfast at Jalapenos."

Riley tried once more in a last ditch effort to stay but Jasper just wanted his bed.

Jasper sighed. "Nah, I just want to crash."

Riley hugged him one more time, the guilt still eating at him even though he knew it wasn't his fault. He had always been there for Jasper but felt like he had somehow betrayed him. When it was obvious that Jasper really had nothing to say, he took that as his cue to leave.

When he heard Riley start his car, Jasper headed into the apartment, not knowing what to do or say when it came to Edward. How was he going to explain his reaction?

It turns out he didn't have to worry yet, the apartment was deserted.

It was quiet, dark. Edward must have stayed, probably finding someone else to fuck since Riley came to find him. Leaving the lights off, he pulled off his sweaty shirt, wiped his forehead and headed straight into the shower.

Under the hot stinging spray, alone in the black room, he finally let it all out. Jasper laid his head against the tile and cried. He cried for Riley, loving him even more than ever for caring so much. He cried for his cowardice, for his broken heart. The last of his sorrow was for the love he lost before it ever even began.

Shoulders shaking under the force of it all, Jasper attempted to rein in the despair pouring out of him. Too long he felt this way, too long he kept it to himself and it was cleansing to let it all go.

Over the sounds of the shower he missed the sound of another person in the room, listening to it all, heart breaking along with Jasper's. Edward felt so horribly guilty for how the evening turned out. What was supposed to be some fun and a fuck turned into Jasper's torment evident over the sounds of the shower.

He didn't think he'd ever forget Jasper's reaction to seeing him and Riley together, he could feel every trace of hurt in his haunted blue eyes.

_How was I supposed to know?_

Edward always believed that Riley was only Jasper's friend, if he'd known Jasper felt so much more he never would have put his hands on Riley. Edward felt as though he had trespassed somehow and it was the most awful feeling in the world. The feelings he harbored for Jasper were buried deep and never surfaced but he had to do something to fix the broken man he cared so deeply for.

As soon as he got home, Edward had stripped down to his boxers and climbed in bed. When he heard the shower he went to make sure Jasper was okay. He knocked on the wall lightly and the shower curtain flew open.

Jasper's lean, naked body was on perfect display by the outside lights seeping in through the frosted glass. Edward felt like he was punched in the gut, desire pooled in his groin and all he could do was stare.

Jasper was fucking beautiful.

Jasper felt the heat of Edward's gaze, knowing it burned for someone else, but he still couldn't stop his arm from extending out to reach for Edward. Silently, Edward took his hand and let himself be pulled into the sauna created by the steaming shower.

Edward wanted Jasper so badly, had dreamed about it for three long years but never thought it was possible. Jasper never looked at him like that and Edward spent as many nights as he could fucking Jasper's face out of his mind.

Jasper's arms went around him tightly, the echoes of sobs still heaving through Jasper's body. Edward was being torn apart from the inside at the level of Jasper's sadness and knowing he was the cause of it made it worse.

"I'm sorry," Edward repeated over and over, kissing anywhere his mouth would reach.

"For what?" Jasper asked, hoarse from the crying. He knew he must be dreaming or hallucinating from all the anxiety because there was no way Edward Cullen was kissing his body so reverently. Only in darkness, when Edward was sleeping did his imagination diverge to Edward touching him while Jasper stroked his cock to completion.

"Not knowing," he whispered as he kissed Jasper's shoulder. "Let me make it better."

Jasper was too weak, too tired. It was a bad idea, he knew it but when would he have this chance again? The chance to touch Edward, to be touched back, to pretend like he was loved just as much as he loved Edward.

Just this once, under the cover of night, he gave into the man against him. Edward kissed his back, neck, healing Jasper from the inside out. A soothing balm on the raw, open wound that was his soul.

"I didn't know, I didn't know," he kept saying softly between kisses, his hands moving down Jasper's body. Edward didn't know if he could handle Jasper using him to bury the pain of seeing Riley with another man, but he felt like he had so little to offer. He knew Jasper hated all the people he fucked, was worried about him, and now Jasper was going to use Edward for the exact same thing. A quick fuck, a way to forget, even for a moment. And he couldn't stop.

Wet fingertips wrapped around his cock and Jasper gasped. He turned in Edward's arms, bringing his cock in contact with Edward's cotton-covered one. There were no words to describe the feeling, it was so intense, so much more than Jasper ever thought it would be. Groans and cries could be heard echoing in the bathroom as they moved and touched.

Edward pressed his entire body against Jasper's, his lips less than an inch away, his breath teasing.

_I don't kiss._

Edward's words to Riley echoed in Jasper's head.

Jasper didn't care, if this was it, his only chance at having the man he loved, he was stealing a fucking kiss.

Forcefully, he grasped Edward's head in his hand and joined lips with his. Edward froze for a second, tying to pull back, Jasper held tight, a battle of wills deciding the victor.

Jasper opened his mouth, licked Edward's lips and felt the moment Edward capitulated, his mouth opening under the onslaught of Jasper's. Together, under the fierce spray of the scalding water, lips teeth and tongues devoured each other. Edward's hands grasped tight to Jasper's hair, holding him in place while he tasted, learned and clung to Jasper's mouth.

Succumbing to pent-up feelings held inside for too long, Jasper let go, letting Edward feel everything, holding back nothing.

When Edward pulled away, minutes, possibly hours later as all concepts of time were lost, he shut off the water behind him.

"I know I'm not him, but please, Jasper, let me in," his fingers trailed down to the crack of Jasper's ass, pushing against his entrance, not realizing that Jasper had stopped moving against him when the words he spoke broke through the haze of lust and love.

"What?" Jasper croaked. "Him?"

Edward kissed his lips once more, telling Jasper with his mouth how much he fucking cared.

"Riley, you want him, I'm here, let me take it all away." The words grated Edward's heart like sharp nails, but he wanted to bury himself inside Jasper just once.

Jasper shook his head, unbelieving his ears.

_Riley? What. The. Fuck!_

"You think I want Riley?" Jasper said, still not comprehending.

"It's okay. I won't say anything, if you have to pretend I'm him, it's okay," Edward whispered fiercely against his neck as he sucked gently. No matter how bad he ached, the fucking emotions he felt for Jasper bubbled to the surface. He would willing fuck him, knowing he wasn't who Jasper wanted.

The turmoil from earlier was nothing compared to the avalanche happening now. Jasper was panicked, wondering how it all got out of hand. When did he ever give Edward the idea that he wanted Riley?

Edward's mouth moved down his chest, his nails scraping into Jasper's back. The scale was tipping further and further towards total acquiescence as Jasper wondered if he should tell Edward the truth or let him keep believing it was another man he wanted.

When he felt Edward's lips touch the head of his cock, all rational thought left. Jasper slammed his head back into the tile, his body shivering from the cold as the molten heat of Edward's mouth engulfed him.

Crimson and blue, fire and ice, Jasper felt it all. Edward's mouth was magic, sucking, nibbling and teasing Jasper's cock. When his body was on the verge of euphoria, he was dragged to the bedroom by Edward who pushed him onto the bed before yanking off his wet boxers in a less than graceful display.

Jasper's legs were parted roughly, the hair of Edward's groin tickling his when he pressed his weight into him.

"Tell me you want this," Edward growled, his hips pushing against Jasper, mimicking the act he was desperate to achieve.

"I want this," Jasper said. "I want..."

"You want what?" Edward whispered, looking down into Jasper's face, the water from his hair dripping onto Jasper's lips.

_You. _Jasper thought, licking away one of the drops.

"For you to fuck me," Jasper murmured instead.

Edward tensed over him, trying not to come just from the words he had longed to hear falling from Jasper's lips for so long. And he knew he didn't deserve this, the pleasure of having this man underneath him. Jasper was too good for him, always had been, he deserved someone so much better.

Someone like Riley, but he wasn't there. Edward was and he wasn't going to let this one chance go.

Jasper arched slightly, getting closer to Edward's face. "Kiss me."

Edward's started to shake his head, not wanting to put so much of himself on the line when it wasn't really him Jasper wanted.

"Yes, goddamn you," Jasper demanded, bringing Edward's face to his. "Yes."

Crushing their mouths together, Jasper took from Edward what he had desired from so long. He used his tongue and teeth to punish him for every person he fucked who wasn't Jasper, sucking their memories from Edward's mouth and trying his damndest to only leave himself behind.

Jasper wanted to brand Edward's soul, but he settled for pouring his all into the frenzied, painful kiss. Edward moaned into his mouth, taking the brutal assault. Relishing in the passion he felt as Jasper's teeth scraped his jaw, he was also tormented by the fact that it was Riley who wrought this reaction from Jasper.

Edward's hands ran up and down Jasper's body, down his stomach, bypassing his cock and grabbing onto his thighs. Jasper's legs fell open. It had been so long since anyone had touched him this way. The fact that it was Edward made it nearly impossible not to drown in the sensation of it all, but he had to get Edward inside him now or he was going to fall apart.

The touches, the kisses, the caresses were too much for his tender heart. Whatever Edward's reasons were for fucking him, he knew not one of them came close to the reason Jasper was letting him. It hurt to realize that and he knew he needed it over quickly before he fell over the edge and was unable to recover.

"Please," he moaned, lifting his hips.

"What my lo...Jasper?"

_Fuck! _Edward thought. _I almost screwed up. I have to keep my feelings out this._

"Need you inside, now," Jasper pleaded, wanting to feel the burn of Edward's cock as it penetrated him.

Edward nodded before reaching into his nightstand to pull out the condoms and lube. Jasper's blood ran cold, watching him put the rubber on with the ease of one who does this often. Edward was quick and efficient at lubing up his fingers and stretching him quickly.

When he pulled his fingers from Jasper's body he asked, "You ready?"

All Jasper could do was nod his head while his heart tried not explode as Edward lined himself up. He felt the blunt head of Edward's cock pushing at his entrance and with one strong thrust of his hips Edward breached him and Jasper cried out.

It was heaven.

It was hell.

When Jasper felt Edward bury himself in all the way a single tear fell from his eye as he joined the long string of men and women who had been fucked by and would forgotten by Edward Cullen.

With each slam of his hips Edward tried in vain to fuck the love Jasper had for Riley away and watching the tortured expression on Jasper's face, he knew it wasn't working. Jasper wanted Riley over him, kissing him, inside of him and it was killing Edward to know he was just a replacement.

So he fucked Jasper faster and harder, gripping his legs hard enough to leave bruises, a sign that he was there and Riley was not. One piece of him that like this night would fade away.

The fucking got more frantic. Grunts and skin slapping got louder and with one slight touch from Edward's hand on his cock, Jasper screamed out in ecstasy as his orgasm slammed into him.

"Edward!"

He writhed and bucked as thick white ropes of come shot from his body.

Edward watched every second, thinking that Jasper had never been more beautiful and that he would never forget this night no matter what happened between them now.

Dropping his lips to Jasper's, he kissed him roughly as he came.

Jasper never loved Edward more than he did as he felt him coming inside of him.

Jasper never hated him more for breaking his heart and not loving him back.

Edward fell on top of Jasper, burying his face in Jasper's neck. He needed one more taste, just one more memory of the way Jasper's sweaty skin tasted after sex. Opening his mouth, Edward licked the spot where Jasper's shoulder met his neck. Jasper's arms tightened around him before letting go.

Edward took that as his cue and rolled over, dropping the condom on the floor. Jasper rolled away from him, yet not leaving. His hand itched to reach out and touch him, but he didn't. Edward turned towards the other wall.

Both boys laid there, aching from the mistake of what they had just done. Neither one brave enough to tell the truth, why they let it happen.

Jasper ached from being just another fuck and Edward hurt from the knowledge that Jasper wished he were someone else.

Later, Jasper finally made it to his own bed, his life even more desolate than before because he knew what it was like to be with Edward. To be held, kissed and fucked by him.

He went into survival mode and while Edward slept restlessly in the next room, Jasper packed up his clothes and the few things that were important to him. After loading up his car, he stood in the doorway of Edward's room and watched him, burning the image of gloriously nude Edward tangled up in sheets to his memory. When he was nearly overwhelmed with grief, he did the most difficult thing he'd ever done.

Jasper walked out the door and never once looked back, vowing to avoid Edward for the rest of the semester. He'd crash with a friend until he figured out what to do.

When Edward woke in the morning, after having decided he would tell Jasper how he felt, there was a slight smile on his face. He stretched, got up and went to his dresser to grab some clothes and go talk to Jasper. The little slip of paper there caught his attention.

When he read it, he ran to the other room, horrified that the room was devoid of Jasper's things. Edward went back to his room, grabbed his phone and dialed. With growing dread, he knew what he would hear.

Jasper's phone was disconnected. He sank to the floor, head in his hands and dropped the note from Jasper that only said one word.

_Goodbye._

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><p><strong>AN: I don't know if I will continue this, I won't make promises I can't keep. When I am unhappy, this is what comes out and I won't force a happy ending if one doesn't come to me. **

**I also need to take this chance to say thank you to all of you who continue to stick with me through my erratic writing and posting. Things have seemed so fucked up for so long in my life and I do the best I can, write what wants to be written at the time and read a lot. I know you want some stories to complete, be continued and so forth and you never know, one day you will get a notice and that will be the one that talked to me that day. **

**And I also read every single review and am thankful for them all...**

**Robyn**


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